Tuesday, July 28
♥ cereal 2 minutes before midnight ..
as i sit down on the grass .. i look up to the sky .. thinking ... what am i doing here .. why am i sitting down .. whats going on. . what should i do .. i know its a bad thing .. but there are time when i want these two people to just die .. its bad .. yes, but i cant help it .. i feel as if i want someone .. not because im lonely .. but because of everything else .. just having the thought of someone being there if you need them .. and the thought that someone really cares for you that much till they would do things for you ... sometimes ... the littlest things gets to me .. i dont need them to try so hard .. i dont want them to become something they're not .. i want them to become them .. because thats who they are .. dont change who you are .. dont change yourself to become mine .. to become mine, just be yourself .. stupid future ... university .. i dont have a choice in what i do .. its already planned .. i dont like it .. i despise it .. i shall do something secretly ... things ... once again .. i sit on this black cushiony rolly polly chair singing .. singing .. not as loud as i want .. but at least .. it calms me down .. the lyrics .. even if i dont understand them .. just the flow of the song .. the feeling .. the touch .. the mood .. it helps .. it does .. life is short .. there are so many things i want to do .. and yet, i know i might not even have the chance to do it ... its hard to accept .. its hard to regret .. its hard to remember .. yet its hard to forget ... she thinks im becoming more negative towards her .. starting to become pessimistic ... just because the last years, all i've said is just yes and all positive things .. doesnt mean its the influence of my friends that i've started to become like this. . i've been hiding it .. i dont just bllurt out everything like you want me to .. you cant make someone do that .. i think you're shallow .. stupid in a way .. and becoming old ...you are already .. but more ... i want to fly .. fly away .. anywhere .. away from them ... away from them ... sleeping pills wont help . it'll just give them reasons to blame others ... lame reasons ... the night is cold .. i feel i want to be a werewolf .. i want to howl all night long .. i dont have to scream or shout .. i dont have to go an empty place and scream on the top of my lungs .. just howling ... will do ... yes ....
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im eating cereal .. choc pillows + oats .. 2 minutes before midnight .. what a retarded human being i am ... why cant i wait 2 more minutes, then i would officially be eating a meal called, "breakfast" ... i havent eaten breakfast for awhile .. mmm .. though, i think im starting to gain weight though .. maybe it was all a consequence for all the eating from holidays ... eating + sleeping .. thats all i did .. although i watched 5 movies. . but thats that .. its movies ye ... mmmm .. nothing much really happened today really .. was suppose to have orchestra rehearsal this morning but didnt go .. couldnt be bothered... too lazy ... too sleepy ... got my geo exam results back . yep .. i passed .. good enough ... but still gay .. ah well .. assignments .. i got two at the moment ... english and maths ye ... watched more of billy elliott today .. basically finished it .. biology lesson so very boring .. i nearly fell asleep again .. teacher just talked talked talked talked .. basically thats about it really ... mmm .. school's getting boring .. but friends keeps it alive .. even if my friends are slowly starting to drift away ...
11:58 pm
